I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
