can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
