like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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