I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
