apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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