here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
