I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
