We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
