That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
