I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
