Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
