The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
How's work?
Spinning.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
