you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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