like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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