What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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