I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
