sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
