I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize