i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
