you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
