I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
