Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
