You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
