We got so high we made milksteak
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
