I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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