Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
