so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
