Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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