Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
