My room smells like vodka and shame
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
