Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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