You work out of a Hotel?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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