i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
