There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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