I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
