its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize