After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
