my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
