Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize