Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I love you. Go after that dick
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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