I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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