you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
