I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
