shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
