I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
