17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize