You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
