she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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