this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
