Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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