gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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