3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
