Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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