I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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