Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
