I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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