I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
