Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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