So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
