We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
