people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
