Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
