My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
