It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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