i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
