he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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