is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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