Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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