next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Im part way to drunk.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
