i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it glows. i had to have it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
