The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
