I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
