Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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