DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
