So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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