at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize