I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
