i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
