Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
