i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
