it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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