Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
