Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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