you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
