she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
two words...techno handjob
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
