some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize