Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
