the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
