I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
