I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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