where am i from again
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
