All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
