he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize