a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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