So drunk, too bad you don't want this
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
