I met the friendliest cop last night
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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